Ok….sooo in response to my last blog about the guy…I finally told him I liked him or whatever & I found out he liked me too but he feels I’m on a whole nother level or whatever & he has nothing to offer me so he’s not tryna talk to me like that. I’m like ok whatever; his loss. yea, he’s younger, but I don’t even ask people my age or older for anything sooo Idk about that whole offering me anything, but whatever, it’s a reason why I don’t like people younger than me anyway. I kinda think I only liked him because of issues with Navy guy & I was talking to him too much & of course that whole stuff that happened with us didn’t help much either…sex complicates everything no matter what; at least for me it does. I was kind of mad because it’s like he just stopped talking to me before that whole revelation thing…like the whole time I swear I was like what did I do? I should’ve been like what I shouldnt have done because it’s all kinds of bad, but he practically proved to me he ain’t shit either, because the whole being cool thing wouldnt be an issue right now if he hadnt just blatantly stopped talking to me; YOU DO NOT DO THAT TO A FEMALE…he says he did it so he wouldnt like me too much; bullshit, u don’t do that; point blank period…I had an asthma attack early sunday morning & he text me sunday asking me about it (im like stop stalkin my fb statuses geez)…I kinda got rude with him or whatever & brushed him off real fast; then later when I knew he was off work I basically apologized then told him I wasn’t talking to him anymore & he was like he don’t see why we can’t be cool & that he never said that he didnt want to talk to me anymore…bottom line; he’s a mistake & I’m done completely…one thing I’m good at is erasing people. if he wouldve been straight up & hadnt just avoided me all of a sudden then fine, but no, he acted like the little BOY that he is…I could bash him on so many levels but that would be hypocritical of me because I did like him or whatever, he was kind of nice & stuff, but he’s so not all that to be carrying on over & it wasn’t that serious…I just don’t like being dissed when everyone knows I’m bomb…that’s like insulting; so fuck him. I mean I can’t help it that I’m older & ahead of the game & model & get attention from people on a ridiculous level, but I’m actually a grounded person that’s why I was able to have a boyfriend & be in a long distance relationship & ignore the BS guys would throw my way because he said the exact same thing he said; that’s why it was like Dejavu to me & I’m so over it. I just had to vent that out again…I vented to my bestie Dominique about everything I’ve kept bottled up; that this lil issue triggered & I included this too & I mistakenly messaged it to him; that sucked but oh well…Dominique is the best. I feel so much better. I’m fabulous, have a lot going for myself, & guys really don’t matter like that because they’re there; just no good ones except my navy guy. I love him no matter what & one day we’re gonna get it together & act like a true couple…we have like 4 yrs to straighten up. I sense it’s coming.
OK soooo enough about that Boy (like I said before; it’s his loss because who knows…), I’m gonna end up with my hair cut saturday & I have to be at the Blackout party at the utopia lounge sunday to debut the cut for the stylist (it’s a hairstylist event)…I hope she don’t chop me up but I know it will be the BOMB!…I get fitted for this Dec. 9th event Friday. I missed the last one so I have to do this one. it’s at 1 & only takes 15 mins. then it’s off to work. I’m excited. I need to make sure my boss knows about my availability changes like tomorrow before the schedule is made wednesday. I also have a designer that contacted me & wants me to do the photoshoot for her line at her launch party/birthday party dec. 19th. I feel honored because she contacted me & there’s also a boutique that wants me to do a fashion show in december. sooo december’s gonna be cool, so busy, good networking & resume builder. CAR SHOPPING is coming up…I cant wait…the Mazda 3 or 6 or cobalt, or hyundai, sentra, or pt cruiser is in question as of now…
I am so ecstatic that I was apart of this historic election that took place. I’m very confident in Barack Obama & I believe he will do all that’s in his power to restore our nation; it’s not gonna happen over night. Those who didn’t vote really should be ashamed of themselves. I am proud of my peers who organized registration drives, shuttles to polls for people who had no way, went hard on Facebook & Myspace. We did it!!! I also had to cuss out a few racist classmates for their inappropriate & unnecessary comments in regards to Obama’s landslide of a victory, but it’s cool. All I can say is what’s done is done; he’s my president & yours beginning in January & if anyone doesn’t like it; they can leave the damn country. Obama 08′ Bitches!<BR>
Anyway…I recently got promoted & a new job sort of…everyone says I’m crazy; but I’m like whatever…I’ll have my car in December; no later than January & I’ll be starting my apartment hunt. I think I want to stay downtown…I can’t wait for next semester; I’m gonna focus on my marketing studies and then it’s a good old 12 hrs for summer school…Once I get my car; I think I’m quitting a job or two. Whichever keeps enough money in my pockets for shopping will definitely be kept; but I will be cutting back on hours so I can get involved more in school & begin the process of Greek life.<BR>
I recently hung out with one of my besties from ASU, Dominique, she’s a Zeta…there are sooo many Zetas @ GSU & alumni running around…I swear they stopped her every step we made…then a couple had the nerve to ask if I were one; uh? please…no offense, but that’s so not the way I wish to go…we shopped, ate, & talked; I cant wait to visit da Bany now. I told her about the person I liked (I havent told the person I liked him, but it’s like he should kinda already know from my actions)….she was kind of shocked & saying the same thing a couple of others said, but oh well; he’s cute, can dress, & cool; so um yea; that’s who I like…I’m so scared to tell him though; it’s not that by even saying anything something will come of it but that’s still the hardest thing to do…If he liked me I would think he’d say something; but even some of his actions say he probably likes me but then again he could be being a typical guy…I miss him though…ugh<BR>
It’s time for me to visit all of my OLOGISTS…ugh; dermatologist & OBGYN…I definitely want to go to my dermatologist because I need some more medicine that won’t backfire & completely clear my face. I tried to find my RX for birth control because I have some more refills since I havent used any but I can’t find it…The birth control helped my acne; just made me pretty sick so I stopped taking them last October.<br>
Ok; I’m gonna go to bed now…
I feel so lost right now. It seems like everytime I try to pull myself together, something interferes and throws me off track. I’m not sure if I’m being punished or is it really my fault. I really do think it’s a punishment at times. I used to be a very sweet person & very “good”. I’d go to church practically every Sunday & read a scripture every morning using the daily bread book & then I’d read the reference to the Bible & start my day off. Back in those days I was the epitome of perfection. Like seriously, my world was perfect, I was perfect as any human can be, nothing went wrong. Now, it feels like I ate the apple Eve ate when I was told not to & my world’s been a roller coaster ever since. If I could change it, I’d rather go back to my utopia even if it were boring & I always played it safe. I hate messing up, I hate chaos, I hate failing, I hate problems, I hate not being at my best. My pastor has also said that whenever you feel as though everything’s falling apart in your life & you’re at your worst, you are almost closer to your blessing. I just know that today is the day I’ve had time to reflect on a lot of things. Gosh I love rainy days. I decided that it really is time for something new & a change. I’m going to strive to be better & get back to where I was in life & where I need to be. I don’t like being stressed, I don’t like the problems & I can’t stand the chaos. I’ve been calling this my YAL (Young Adult Life) crisis. In order for things to get better, I had to realize that things weren’t good & get the strength to ignore the distractions & force myself back on my road to success. More importantly I have to always remember to keep God first. Without him I wouldnt have gotten this far & without him I won’t be able to move forward. I was thinking about rededicating my life to Christ. I thought about it the last time I was at Church but I didn’t move…that’s a lot of members to walk down in front of; my church is huge. It’s something I must do though because I haven’t been right & I really want to be right again. The suffering within has gone on long enough.. 2 years now & it’s only because I’m so stubborn that I’m just now coming to terms with everything that’s been happening to me. I’ve gotten rid of some people that had a negative influence in my life but I’ve also let in new negative people. It’s time to rid myself of them as well; now, if a person doesn’t fit into my plan; then I will not associate myself with them. The guys will be there as well as the parties. I have to do this and get myself together for me. It’s not only the right thing to do but it’s the mature & responsible thing to do. At least I can say I’ve lived; because I surely did that; but it’s time to move out of the fast lane to nowhere. The tortoise beat the rabbit in the fable so my ass is about to slow down & stop speedin. I thank everyone that has come into my life & affected me in a positive or negative way because either way; I learned a lot & it’s helped me come to terms with myself as far as what I need to do to get to where I want to be. Time waits for no one & I’m only getting older. I like nice things so I need to be able to take care of myself. My future made me realize that when he said I’d love to take care of you & I think I’ve been doing a good job already but I want you to start taking better care of yourself. That’s so true. I need to do better for myself & stop being lazy. I need to be fully independent so when someone can’t bail me out, I can hold my own. My parents clearly aren’t going to always do it & I can’t expect him to always be able to either because he’s busy doing his duties too & even if we were to become one someday; I’d still have to be by myself when he’s deployed & I’d have to be able to handle things on my own. It’s not always good when you have to do everything on your own; it’s stressful & hard & I know because my mom does it & I dont want to ever be in that situation. I love everyone who’s ever helped me out so much; I’m not good at expressing my appreciation & gratitude but it really doesn’t ever go unnoticed. One day soon; like within the next yr; no more than 3…I’ll be able to repay those people for everything they’ve done for me. I’m definitely paying my future back even if I’m with him; he has to be repaid for helping me out…He looks out for me when no one else will or can. I love him to death for it. He really is one of my angels; I swear; no matter what; he’s been there for me. He always manages to see the good over the bad in me. He’s the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for in life because he’s such a good person. I’ve also met a couple of new good people; hopefully they don’t flip & start acting crazy. I’m going to take everything one day at a time & hopefully things get better. No stressing or whatever; I’m gonna let God handle everything & put my mind at ease & just be the smart person I was bread to be & always have been. Nothing’s about to influence my better judgment anymore…it’s time for control & time management; or life management. Ok I’m being redundant but I just had to get that off my chest. I’ve been tearing these past couple of hours just thinking about it…
